By TIM DAVID HARVEY
113 Mins. Starring: Rose Byrne, Conan O'Brien, Delaney Quinn, Danielle Macdonald, Mary Bronstein, Christian Slater & ASAP Rocky. Screenplay: Mary Bronstein. Director: Mary Bronstein. In: Theatres.
If you think you're going into this film about to meet the great Gary Sinise's Lieutenant Dan from 'Forrest Gump'...think again. "If I had legs I'd kick you" is a figure of speech. And you don't need this millennial to mansplain that the expression evokes frustration, helplessness and anger at such a peak (oh, wait, here I go anyway), that if the person holding this all inside could lash out and retaliate, they abso-f###ing-lutely would. But, one way, or another, they are physically or, in this case, psychologically unable to. 'If I Had Legs I'd Kick You' is also the name of a marvellous, madcap movie from writer/director and also actor here, Mary Bronstein (the rising 'Yeast'), starring amazing Australian actress Rose Byrne, in the Academy Award-nominated performance of her life. All the way down to the promotional poster portrait of a woman.
There was a time in the 10's, that Byrne had the legs to be in all the big blockbusters, inspired indies, and everything in-between, as one of the most in-demand actors in all of Hollywood. Coming in hot after those NY legal 'Damages' with Glenn Close, Rose's half-decade rise saw her in 'Bridesmaids', 'X-Men: First Class', 'Insidious', 'Get Him To The Greek', 'The Place Beyond The Pines', 'I Give It A Year' (and she gave it more than that), 'The Internship', 'Neighbors', 'Spy' and 'This Is Where I Leave You'. Not to mention, sequels to some of those said franchises that came later. Recently, the versatile actress and comedic talent has had a flair of the dramatic. Especially when starring as 'Medea', in the Greek tragedy, alongside her husband, one of the best in the business, Bobby Cannavale, at the Brooklyn Academy of Music. But now, she finally gets the leading light her star shine deserves.
Well, last year, as this award frontrunner finally comes out in Japan, to the tune of some inspired indie theatres like Kino Cinemas. Tokyo and Yokohama's version of Liverpool's FACT arthouse. Produced in-part by 'Marty Supreme's' Josh Safide, they're calling this "'Uncut Gems' for moms". Playing a mother who may as well be a single one, thanks to the great Christian Slater literally phoning in a pretty good performance, Byrne is burdened and burned with the care of looking after her sick daughter and other responsibilities than even Spider-Man could web up. Helpless and overwhelmed by it all, she would kick her way out of this claustrophobic mentally caged state if she could. But she has a daughter to care for. And so much more. The symbolism of a collapsed ceiling. Not to mention the high-art reaching supernatural elements that mess with her, and our, minds, bringing back another indie gem, in Alison Brie and Dave Franco's horror romance 'Together'. There really is no escape.
The spiralling stressors of these constraining circumstances are absurd and show you just how much supressed anger and aggression really boils more than the blood. It manifests itself in so many ways in this movie. Subtle and oh so not so. And it all comes crashing down in the wave of a devastating finale. But in-between getting bitten by a pet hamster and being chewed-out by parking lot rent-a-cop attendants, Rose really captures it in-line at the store. Switching between customer complaint and convenience store politeness at its breaking point. You more than feel for her, you relate, too, in a world and time where we are all getting pushed so much against the wall, our backs feel like concrete when we get our two hours' worth of sleep. If I had legs, I'd kick my feet up. Bronstein's bold and brilliant prescription, and the doctor that she plays (but did Rose order?), gave this film the legs to be in the Oscar running. The black comedy psychological drama was too much for some critics...but perhaps they just didn't get it. This film has all sorts of holes. Real, hallucinogenic, but not plot.
A24's latest gem did receive universal acclaim when it came to Byrne though. Along with the Academy and Bafta nominations, Rose was a Critics Choice nominee who also won the Silver Bear, Independent Spirit Award and Golden Globe. Support, for this Sundance Film Festival, comes from all corners, whether our lead wants it or not, as she nurses a baby monitor and a bottle through those neon motel nights. Late night host Conan O'Brien is a revelation as a reluctant, bespectacled therapist, his trademark carrot-top tamed. Mostly, on film and television, Conan has played himself ("sit perfectly still, only I, may dance" on classic "I didn't do it", 'Simpsons'), but the talk show king has also played The Riddler ('The LEGO Batman Movie'), Andy Warhol ('Weird: The Al Yankovich Story') and Smarty Pants on 'Toy Story 5'. Yet it's rapper A$AP Rocky, on a last year tear with this and Spike Lee's 'Highest 2 Lowest', holding his own alongside Denzel, who really raises the bar. Add 'Patti Cake$' Danielle Macdonald's milk carton and an unseen Delaney Quinn to clingy echo chamber great effect and this movie is the gut-punch of the year, given from below the belt. Yet nobody kicks like Rose.
Further Filming: 'Everything Everywhere All At Once', 'Aftersun', 'Beau Is Afraid'.
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